LEAVE ME ALONE...!!!

I am being so numb,I am being so cold;
never found any hand,that I can hold.
I am going so far....far away,
hiding those cravings,I couldn't ever say!
Safe inside me,all those tiny dreams...
ridiculous to others,for me they gleam.
They gleam in the darkest nights;
and it's for them, I have to fight!
My dreams are the reasons,why I exist,
to the world,everything I do,is childish!
Tired of being what they want me to be...
I am fading, losing myself...they can't see!
All those cruel words,they utter so easily;
they are murdering my soul,slowly.
Nowadays I feel nothing,nothing at all!
back are those wintry days,foggy and dull...
It's raining inside my heart,storm inside my head;
every moment....I wish, I were dead!
Every night I wet my pillow...
miss those days, soothing and mellow!
Do not know , why no one understands me...
they can not see, what I can see!
Do not know why no one notices me...
sitting alone, under the dark brown tree...!!!

BENEATH THE SURFACE...

Behind the mask I am hiding myself,
to know the real me,you have to delve;
and remove my veil,the veil of mystery...
that guards my soul,guards my history!
My darkest thoughts are buried deep inside
through the brumous,narrow alleys I glide by...
The world outside has never, ever cared...
I was afraid to fly,I had never dared.
I am alone here, misunderstood and hurt;
used and thrown away,left in the dirt!
I am the owner of the weakest heart;
it bleeds often as people break it apart.
It's so cold inside,I have become numb;
before the brutal reality,I've succumbed.
Standing with an empty heart,in the twilight
fighting with the beast within,to survive!

SOUL-MATE....

That day,I was standing there
you were shaking,you were so scared
No one noticed for no one else cared!
I went near and slowly you stared..
Don't know how that strange vibe;
reached me and finally we survived.
We came closer,like it was destined!
I saved you and you saved mine...
I lost in you,and you in me...
venus gleamed in our sky,we were free!

Though I was living,I was half-dead
I couldn't think,empty was my head...
I was angry...I was morbid
doing those things,everyone forbids.
I was hurt inside,and I was hiding...
I was so lonely and time was gliding.
Always I wondered,what is the reason..
why am I still waiting,in this prison?
I got my answer the moment you stared
you touched my soul,that no one else dared!

You had learned to hide, the hurts so well
but I could feel it all,you never needed to tell..
I could taste it all ,in your tears ;
I kissed you and gone were all your fears!
In our secret,dark world we belong....
when you hug me tight, all the worries are gone!
I can be me.....I do not need to pretend;
when I am with you, together we blend!
I hope we remain together, forever and ever
no one will understand us...no one! ever!!!

SURRENDER...

I am helpless,I feel powerless,
and now I have surrendered myself.
Can't you see the white flag...
blowing in the wind,above my door?
Why do I love you so much..
why do I keep thinking about you?
The mystery behind your blue eyes
drives me crazy,drives me insane...
The enigmatic smile,that you radiate;
titillates all the deadliest passions .
To a surreal world,you belong...
though object of craving,yet so forlorn!
You are the mightiest soul....
invincible knight,with golden sword.
Your armour shines in glory,
silvery moonbeam,kisses your skin.
You ride upon the dark brown horse...
and glide through the misty alleys.
I am lost in your intense eyes,
I am not sure,whether I exist!
I have surrendered my body,mind,soul...
will you please save me,my knight?
I am burning,dying every moment
just for a glimpse of you,just to feel you!
But you have been so cruel to me..
you don't even stare...!
You are the flame,I am the moth;
I can't resist,even if I cease to exist!
Just for once,come close to me...
embrace me tight and lets fly free.
I crave for you,I worship you...
you are the God and my only lord!
I am helpless,I feel powerless,
and now I have surrendered myself.

SINNER...

Hate me,for I am the sinner;
curse my malicious soul.
Hate me,for I have wronged..
punish me,leave me forlorn .
I have to suffer,for all I have done;
all the agonies,of hopeless grief.
Never knew,I can be such a devil,
such a stalker,so brutal and abominable!
Don't know how the evil in me,
came out and slaughtered
snatched and threw away...
the quiet, little, dreamy angel;
residing in me,for so long!
Can't remember when I turned
so devilish and inhuman!
leave me alone,let me bleed
I just want to be redeemed...
of all those bondage of sins!
I can't bear the burden anymore,
let me destroy my perished soul.....
I wish I could stop my breathing!
I wish I could break my ribs......
take my heart out and burn it on pyre!
Hollow of darkness surrounds me,
I want to die,I want to be free!
No one wants me,no one loves me
I am screaming,screaming so loud
can't you hear,my angel of death?
Please love me,take me with you;
savage and thrash me down ,
in the darkest corner of hell...
Burn me,whip me...do as u like
just make sure,I don't survive...
Smash me down on the stony floor
pull me through the path...
bristled with thorns,deadly thorns
Let me bleed,until I am dead...
then throw my body,cold and pale;
in the darkest and the narrowest alley
to perish and fade away...!!!

I HATE YOU...!!!

I am insane, insane with hatred...
can you face my insatiable rage?
Though you were my priority,always...
I was just an option,what a disgrace!
Once your sweet, soft words..
that made me crazy,made me mad;
now torment me,when I remember,
all those moments we spent together!
You gifted me,my most pleasant dreams,
now you haunt me,in all of my dreams!
My wings are clipped off,I am caged;
can't fly away,my soul is being savaged!
The winter has come again...
falling leaves,wintry breeze..are all same.
But you will never get me,again
even if you keep standing,in November rain!
What you did, can never be undone;
you are deceiver...an unfaithful one.
You never dared to look at my eyes...
Now I have to sever all my ties.
You wanted to be free,now you are free;
fly around,roam around each and every tree!
I don't give a damn,I don't want to see,
I hate you, and will hate you till eternity...!!!

TRANSFORMED...

She was like a solitary island,
with starry nights and shores of sand.
She was like a lonely cloudlet;
in the blue sky,soon it is going to fade...
She played around,throughout the day,
with her toys,that she made with soft clay.
She weaved dreams,lived is her fantasies;
she made crowns of little, white daisies!
She walked with a smile,a glow she radiated,
showed her mother,those toys she had made!
Her world was simple,dreamy and soothing...
no place for tears,darkness and brooding.
But reality is cruel...it leaves no one!
it torments,in a moment all dreams are torn...
She was fragile,she broke into pieces;
her dreams laid scattered,on stony premises.
With her wounded heart she collapsed;
in the darkest oblivion she submerged...
She was breathing ,so she was alive;
if mere breathing is the sign of life!
She lost her glow,paler she grew....
those nights were cloudy,the stars were few!
She kept staring at that dark, old forest;
for she had gone,who was her closest...!
Is was a turbulent,stormy,darkest night,
everything gloomy,nothing seemed alright.
She reached home,and opened the door,
found her mother....lying on the floor...!
Thunders were striking as loud as ever,
those dreadful memories will never leave her...
She lays on that bed sheet,torn and dirty....
with that blank look,with a heart so empty!
But once... she was like a solitary island..
with starry nights and shores of sand!

KEEPING THE PROMISE...

Beside the tiny window she sits...
listens the whistling wintry breeze.
The sun slowly sets behind the snowy hills,
fading sunbeam caresses those drooping trees.
She is still holding that dried rose...
she holds it closest to her heart,
she presses her lips hardest she can,
tries so hard to conceal her agonies;
tries so much to stop those tears;
yet it keeps falling down,again and again!
Her eyes are wet,her vision blurred
life is like a dark tunnel,to her!
Years after years she keeps her promise
that she once made ,to her dearest one!
She is still waiting and keeps on waiting,
until her coveted one comes back to her.
That day is still so fresh in her mind,
like morning dew on tulip petals...
like the tranquil, warm breeze of autumn.
She heard the sound of rushing footsteps,
on the staircase,behind her room.
She was wrapped with that white dress
that special dress,every woman dreams of!
She was serene,looking like an angel
wearing that fluffy wedding gown...
Butterflies in stomach,bubbles in her head
she was neither dreaming, nor even awake!
Suddenly those knocks on that closed door
made her frightened,left her awestruck!
And it was him,terrified and exhausted,
he was gasping,his voice was chocked...
Few moments of silence,just few moments..
like the strange peace before a violent storm;
he opened his mouth and slowly uttered...
all those words,cruel and venomous!
He had to go and serve his country....
for as a soldier it was his foremost duty!
Those words were sharp as a knife;
it stabbed her heart,it stabbed her soul..!
She was numb,she was petrified,
it was so sudden that she could hardly react!
But it were those magical words,
the last request he made, before he was gone...
and which still lingers in her ears....
"will you wait for me,until I return?"
He had that strange aura in his eyes,
the aura of submission,the aura of request...
She could not ignore,she just nodded,
"I promise...I will wait,wait till eternity!"
She turned feeble,she grew old....
and those golden locks...are now gray.
She is still keeping her promise,that she made;
beside the tiny window she sits...
and listens the whistling wintry breeze.....!!!

FANTASIES

Come closer,closer to me,
forget the world,let's be free.
let my warm breath seduce you;
let my trembling lips touch you;
let my dreamy eyes mesmerize you.
I can feel your pounding heart
close your eyes,we'll never be apart!
we are sinking...sinking together,
we are burning,melting into each other!
every time, your skin touches mine
sparks fly around,it's divine...
every time,you embrace me tight
sweetest rapture engulfs the night.
shiver goes down my body
the night is dark,quiet and shady.
hidden passions erupt suddenly
and drown us,slowly and silently!
your whispers driving me wild...
your kisses are intense,yet so mild...
losing my existence...immersing in you
suddenly the world,appears brand new..!
plunge into my colours,but never lose yours!
merge into my shadow,but never lose yours...
Be my fragrance,for I'm your flower
shine in glory,leave behind all those fears!
Let your tears flow through my eyes.....
I'll never cage you,you are free from all ties!
Lets fly together,lets dream together
when you touch me, I feel like a feather!
So....come closer,closer to me...
forget the world,let's be free.:)

VEILED PRINCESS

The veiled princess waits for you,

leaving the fragile world of mortals.

Amidst thorny bushes and dark woods....

amidst deadly silence of the misty valley.

Her dried lips craving for your kiss,

her numb body craving for your embrace.

The shadowy clouds engulf the moon;

darkest mysteries engulf the world....

Blood thirsty creatures roam freely,

angels of death go on whispering around.

Their merciless eyes pierce her,savage her!

Echoes of deadly screams float by...

silhouettes of unknown creatures glide by!

Drops of blood are scattered on bushes

Twinkling fireflies fade into dark hollow...

illusions everywhere...illusory illusions...
She is gasping in desperation;

trying to live... trying to fly!

Drops of tears....drops of blood

they mix together on her dried lips.

Gloomy moonbeam subtly seduces;

wildness of those bloodless creatures.

They lust after her body,they lust after her soul...

they find pleasures in brutal pains!

The night seems more mysterious than ever...

the wind seems more cold than ever...

She bleeds....she bleeds profusely

and smell of her blood makes them wilder

Slowly the soul leaves her body

humanly passions turn inhuman.

And the hell becomes more hellish..!

She stands there alone,waiting for you

she sinks..sinks slowly into oblivion!

The nights pass by.....one by one...

you stop loving her little by little!

and she becomes paler day by day...

in your memory, in your heart!

CRAVING THE IMPOSSIBLE.....

It is so empty inside...
I am destroyed,let me hide!
but you will never know
though ruined inside,outside i glow
my feelings are buried deep
behind closed doors, i weep!
i dream of you every night
outside, the moon shines so bright
you are not here,you will never be
still i feel your presence,in me
when i embrace the pillow so tight
feels like you are here,by my side
my sleepless nights pass one by one
and my soft bed pricks like thorn!
i hide my existence behind the mist
i am going down, no one to hold my wrist.
you hold her hand, kiss her softly
i burn inside slowly and silently
i blur my vision with drops of tears
for i can't see it when she is near
god knows, through my every prayer
begged for your happiness,oh my dear!
you'll never notice,you'll never know
all those cut marks,I will never show!
may be i am not as pretty as her
but my love is much more deeper
may be I am not worthy of your glance
every time i see you, I'm in a trance!
I have touched you with my gaze
every time you blind me with your daze!
your ignorance torments me
try to be like her,but never can't be!
I crave for, just a little glance of you,
you are priceless,I treasure you!
I know I will never get you
still I go on loving you...only you!
I don't know, where I am going...
I don't know, what I am doing!
Still I go on, still I do all these
until I stop breathe,until I'm finished!

IT BLEEDS...

I am torn, I am distorted,
I am ugly, I am mutilated.
Blood runs through my vein
It is such a venomous pain
I cut my hand, I slit my skin
I have committed so many sins
Slowly the blade goes in me
Blood keeps flowing, down my knee
I hate my face….I hate myself
I need no one, I need no help
you got me every time you wanted
but never got you when I needed
the world suddenly seems like hell
you did not hold me, when I fell
I am falling, going down and down
I will die embracing the ground!
My heart is frozen, it beats for none
I stand here alone, you are gone
I wish I could cut my heart
Take it out and tear it apart!
I wish I could reduce the pain
Be happy again and dance in rain
Never realized how cruel you are
I will go away, far…very far!
You will call me, search for me;
But I am never gonna, answer thee….!!

SUDHU TOMAR I JONNO...

Tomar thont amar thont chulo,

Tomar sporsho amar hridoy chulo...

Tomar ronge ami holam rongin

Ami chilam pranhin,ami chilam bornohin

Amar bhitore- bahire,swapne- jagorone

Nishith er andhare,bhorer aloke

Sudhu tumi,sudhu tomar i ushnotaa

Bahire kolahol , antore sudhui nirobota

Sei kon Chotobela y pora rupkothar golpe

Khujechilam tomay,tumi chile supto amar antore

Aj peyechi tomay….harate chaina ami

Tomar oi gobhir kalo chokhe sopner haathchani

Mrityu ke ami kokhono korini bhoy

Aj mone hoi ami chilam boroi nirdoy

Tomar bokhe aaj peyechi ami ashroy

Bhulbo na konodin aaj ker ei surzodoy…

Tomar thont amar thont chulo,

Tomar sporsho amar hrodoy chulo…

JIBONER ODHAAYGULO....

jiboner kichu choto boro odhaay,
chupisare ase ar dure chole jai
jhapsa hye asa ekta bikel...
astogami surjer roktim abhay,
roktakto kichu odhay drobivuto hoi!
mlan hoye asa rosmijaale;dhora pore,
ja kichu lukono chilo,hasir antoraale...
kichu atipto muhurto,apurno basona
uronto pakhir danay bhor kore....
bhese chole mohasunyer poth beye.
fike hoye ase rong er abhaa,
nisprovo,nirjib,nistobdho muhurtoguli;
mone dhele dei ekraas kali!
aandhar naame poschim gogone,
kono ek mohinir krisno kalo chul e...
abreeto hoy dhoritri,til e til e
boye chole jibon rupi nodi khani,
antore niye sudhui glaani!
aloo ar andhar thake pashapashi;
aandhare pai mrityur haathchani,
aloo dei amay protisrutee.....
bholabo tomar somosto glani!
jani na ami....bujhi na ami;
kon pothe jatra suru kori! eke eke
kete jai tondrahara rojoni!
lorai kori bhagyodebir sathe;
kokhono hoi porasto,kokhono joyee!
asamapto roye jai kichu kahini....
upekhha kore tare,poth choli ami!!

DEATHBED

Fading in the darkness of an unknown world,
all those evidence of my existence
I am drowning,I am going under
sinking in the eternal darkness.......
They gathered around my sinking soul.
all those shadowy,flimsy creatures...
they kept standing there,looking at me.
Hues of indifference and reluctance
coldness and hatred in their eyes,
tormented, suppressed and defeated,
the preposterous dream,I weaved...
that i will live and face the world!
Every drop of hope and desire...
washed away,with those shedding tears.
It feels as if i am being crucified,
oppressed and savaged with uncanny pain.
Silence of death is everywhere;
blood strained rags,lying here and there.
With dried roses and crown of thorns...
I have reached this hellish world.
Lying on my deathbed now,totally numb!
past,present and future, submersing
into the agony of this deadly hollow.
Cold hands are shaking,gasping for some air,
my throat is dry and vision blurred.
Now waiting for the angel of death,
to come and embrace my dying soul,
to relieve me,to take me there...
that place of heavenly love and
pure bliss,where i can close my eyes,
and rest in eternal peace!